Joys and Sorrows

There is something wonderful about getting older; it probably starts about the time you find yourself rapidly approaching the age of 50. You will see people in their 50s "doing" genealogies and scrapbooks and putting their photos in order, perhaps even getting them all on the web. Why? I think it's because around that age we begin to become more conscious of our mortality (whoa!); we have become grandparents (egads!); our own parents seem suddenly ancient (oops!); our own retirement is closer (yea!). We start thinking about hobbies or about traveling abroad or taking a cruise. So, it's a mixed bag; part of it is joyful and some if it is sad; but in either case, it is a sort of wrapping-up of our lives. It's definitely time to start our own "Bucket List". (If you've not seen that movie, see it! It's about making a list of what you want to do before you "kick the bucket", and Morgan Freeman starring with Jack Nicholson makes for a hilarious, unforgettable movie.)

One of the joys of getting older is recognizing that we actually have a smidgen of the wisdom we've been seeking. We catch ourselves sharing that wisdom with our kids more often (who don't "get" it yet, but will!). Another joy is learning how to slow down, sometimes as a result of that wisdom, sometimes just because our bodies insist on it, and behave badly if we overdo. Another great joy (and also a reward) comes when you find yourself in good health with energy to spare, find yourself trying out the new things that come along with progress, find yourself seeking other outlets for your imagination, find yourself interested in learning new things.

One of the greatest sorrows of getting older is discovering that our parents are reaching the end of their lives, are not well, and need more care... but this is something we have come to expect. However, when we learn that some of our friends, neighbors, relatives and peers are struggling with disease and experiencing a tortuous journey through extended treatments, we struggle along with them. Talk about coming face to face with one's own mortality! Does one ever learn how to accept pain without despair? Death without fear? Loss without emptiness and the agony of depression? When those we love are trying to make it though a worrisome and anxious time, how do we help? How can we keep from feeling terribly guilty about being so glad it's not us?!

I guess this is when we dig deep down into that (however shallow) well of wisdom and call up our better selves, our kinder and gentler natures, and express our caring about and sharing of their pain. Surely we've learned something along the way that taught us to be accepting of whatever the future offers. On the other hand, maybe not. All I know is, feeling helpless is pretty awful, whether it's in relation to others or to ourselves.